Turn ’em up or turn ’em in!

This is another from our fellow dealer Plinko.

Hey! It’s been a while since my first guest post but I think you might like this one. Happy Holidays and hope you enjoy!

“Turn ’em up or turn ’em in!”

We’ve all seen it. 

3 players. The flop is J96 with 2 spades.  Check. Bet. Call. Raise. Call. Call. Big pot!

The turn is a red 2. Bet. Raise. Reraise! Call. Call. The pot is now massive! 

Ace of clubs on river. A stares his opponents down then checks. B plays with chips for some time then checks. C tanks for quite a while repeatedly breaking down chips for a sizeable bet but ultimately decides to give up and checks as well.

And then…

Nothing. At all. Just everyone looking stupidly at one another, or worse, at you the dealer.

“Anyone want it?” “Show me a winner.” “You’re first to show, sir.”

Still nothing. Often, someone will incorrectly state that C made the last aggressive action. You can TRY to explain that the action was checked around on the river and thus A is first to show (No, really! Look it up.) but they still just sit there embarrassed to show their missed draws.

A reluctantly shows 8-7. B sheepishly shows Q4 of spades. C mucks 10-8 face up and complains about never hitting a draw.

There’s so much time wasted here at showdown by players who are too stubborn or embarrassed to show their busted hands. It is often accompanied by the “I would’ve won with a 2!” guy and trumped by the “I shouldn’t have folded my Ace!” guy. 

But believe it or not I don’t mind any of this, but rather find it amusing. Sometimes the reactions of players who scoop huge pots with hands like Queen high are priceless! What I absolutely can’t stand here is the player who wastes everyone’s time and affects my bottom line by maliciously and knowingly slow-rolling with the best hand. This is why I give to you the following actual hand.

(Names arbitrarily chosen)

In a 5-5-15-50 PLO game “Lee” in the BB, “Gus” in middle position, and “Mike” on the button see a flop for just over $200 a piece. All 3 are likeable guys, good tippers, and have been playing in this home game for at least a year. Lee is a self-proclaimed Fish, still makes rookie mistakes like trying to play 3 cards from his hand, and for the first few months he played with us he actually kept a small card at the table with him that listed the hand rankings in poker. I put the flop out and Lee bets out $200 into a pot of $720.

POT: $720       FLOP:  A♤-7♧-8♤

Gus is the slowest player in the game. He studies Lee. He looks at each card 1 by 1. He asks how much the bet is (2 black chips, $200). He again looks at each card 1 by 1. Then confidently raises to $400.

Mike has been having a bad day at the table. Pot-Limit Omaha is volatile in itself but Mike has taken some tough beats today. While in mid-conversation with another player Mike casually tosses out enough chips to call. Lee says “I probably should fold this,” and calls as well. The other black 8 turns.

POT: $1920     BOARD:  A♤-7♧-8♤-8♧

Lee excitedly and immediately asks if it’s on him. Without waiting for an answer he blurts out, “Pot!” to bet $1920. It takes Lee a full minute to put the proper amount of chips in front of him. This whole time Gus patiently watches him do it. He then methodically looks at each card 1 by 1. He mutters something in “Greek” (3 others at the table speak “Greek”) and reluctantly calls. Still in conversation Mike simply pushes out a stalk of 20 black $100 chips. I give change and put the 7 of spades on the river.

POT: $7680      BOARD:  A♤-7♧-8♤-8♧-7♤

Lee is visually and vocally disappointed with my choice of River card. “Couldn’t you have left that one in the deck?” I’m asked. “Well, I guess I check.”

Gus has broken character and is even more upset than Lee. Gus is holding his cards in front of him ranting about something in “Greek” flailing his hands like a four-year-old who didn’t get his way. “George” a fellow “Greek” leans in to take a peak at what Gus is upset about. His facial expression says it all as he snaps back to his seat after seeing Gus’s hand. With eyes as big as saucers George glares at me like he has the greatest secret in the world before burying his face in his hands. Angrily, Gus checks.

Mike checks.

Silence. No one wants to show. 

Mike, now out of whatever conversation was distracting him from this nearly $8000 pot correctly states that he is last to show. Mike then says, “But I’ve got the nut flush,” and shows K4 of spades. 

Mike’s hand:    K♤-4♤-X-X

Lee says, “Good hand, Mike. I had you till the River. I flopped two pair and turned a full boat but you got me on the River. All I have now is TWO TRIPS.” Lee then shows his hand. 

Lee’s hand:    J♧-8♡-7♢-3♤   

[For those savvy PLO players I’d like to remind you that Lee called $210 pre-flop from the BB with this unsuited beauty!]

I didn’t mean to but i chuckled. Poor Lee really doesn’t understand this game. But Mike was disgusted. He then goes on a tirade about how everyone just wants to slow-roll him and how everyone thinks it’s funny that he’s losing. After accusing Lee of a slow-roll (Lee has no idea, by the way, what Mike is talking about) Mike lays down the remainder of his hand.

Mike’s hand:     K♤-4♤-A♧-8♢

Mike slow-rolled Lee! After all that Mike has a better full house (8s full of Aces) than Lee (8s full of 7s). 

“Well, come on. What are you waiting for? Push me the pot!”

At this point Gus is really getting heated and is turning to anyone that will listen.

“He sucked out on me! He sucked out on me!” he frantically repeated in both English and “Greek” pointing at Lee.

I then took Lee’s losing hand and rolled it over onto the muck face down. I told Mike I couldn’t push him the pot until Gus’s hand was killed.

Now Gus, thinking Mike had only a flush and Lee a full house says to Lee, “Your full house is good. I just have TRIPS.” He then tables his hand!

Gus’s hand:     A♡-A♢-2♡-2♢

As soon as the hand is tabled George grabs Gus and exclaims “Are you crazy!?! What were you thinking?” 

It’s only now that Gus realizes he’s won with the best hand (Aces full of 8s). Mike is speechless. Lee, however, simply looks to Mike and says, “Guess your flush was no good, huh?” I still do not know if this was an intentional needle or if Lee genuinely meant it.

All in all, JUST THE SHOWDOWN portion of this hand took about 5-6 minutes to play out!

Poker players, when the action is complete just show us all your cards. Please? Thank you! 


Brought to you by Your Poker Dealer

One thought on “Turn ’em up or turn ’em in!

  • June 4, 2016 at 10:23 am

    This has to rank right up there with one of my all time greatest amusing hands! lol Love the narration!


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