Swimming in a sea of virgins

You walk down the street and see hot girls all the time. You go to the mall and they are everywhere. You go into the card room and there are none, maybe a waitress. Most guys in the card room lose their mind when a new hot girl comes walking in. Like I said before, they are everywhere, work, school, even the grocery store. The card players act like they have never interacted with one before. She walks into the room and just about every head turns, following her every move to see where she is going.

I’ve seen those videos where guys are gawking and catcalling women in the streets. Sometimes its a toss up to the guys at the table whether they will lose focus on the hand they are playing to stare at a woman they never have a shot with. What’s worse is when she comes and sits down at the table. These guys all trying not to get caught staring at her or her “assets”. I love it when this happens because I get to see some feeble attempts at who knows what. Most of these guys will never have a shot at getting a phone number much less idle conversation from this beauty.

It’s like those rams in the wild that are butting heads to get the female, but neither have a shot anyways. They start to play hands crazy and do all kinds of cocky and funky plays. When they win they act like they just won the WSOP. When they lose a hand they get all pissed and make all kinds of excuses. The funny part of this is this female has no clue what you are doing. She has played poker with some buddies and doesn’t really care. Her boyfriend/husband/friends are off doing something and she is just passing some time.

If it is the new waitress its like guys in a strip club. It’s her first few shifts, she is scared of all of you and has to be nice. Just like the strippers in the strip club, they are there for one thing, to get money out of you for something. At the strip club its money to show you some skin, in the card room its money to bring you drinks. They really aren’t into you, but make you think that so you tip them better. Get a clue, before they get a restraining order.

You get the guy next to her that keeps trying to tell he what to do and how to play. First of all she really doesn’t care, second, most of the time your advice is terrible. You are a 2/4 limit hold em player by the way. The dirty old men have no shame and just keep talking to her. The young guys are either too scared to say much, or too much blood has rushed to their crotch to think clearly to say anything coherent. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the ladies. I can always say the right thing to keep them amused and try and have a good time playing cards and forget about all the drool that is filling their shoes. It’s my job to make sure everyone has a good time, or at least doesn’t get too uncomfortable by some idiot.

Another aspect is the unbelievable soft play from just about everyone at the table. Either they won’t bet into her with strong hands, or tell her what they have and not to call. Some of the girls pout when they lose and guys completely try to lose every hand to her. They buy her drinks, some have even given her money to play. Perfect strangers just say here is a $100, have fun. Must be rough ladies.

There are always other females that come in to take advantage of this. I can’t count the number of huge cleavage chests on the felt that are so distracting it’s hard for the game to continue. Probably because I can’t concentrate as well. Why not use it ladies? Like I said its an edge and wouldn’t we all like an edge in poker? When this doesn’t work? Ladies tournaments. I’m a very popular guy dealing those. These women are all friendly and nice to each other, one gets knocked out and they pretty much all give her a hug. Then when she is out of earshot they all talk smack about how bad she played.

One of my favorite stories about a beautiful woman in the room,  is a girl walks by the table to the bar and a few of the guys start to gawk and say “damn, she’s hot”, “I’d love to ……” and a couple of other statements. She comes back from the bar and walks up to seat 5, 6’2 200 lb muscle guy,  and gives him a beer and says “here you go honey”. The guys that were saying all that turned white like they had seen a ghost. Awkward silence ensued for about 30 seconds until one of the guys says “good for you brother”. Everyone laughed.

Brought to you by Your Poker Dealer

3 thoughts on “Swimming in a sea of virgins

  • December 27, 2014 at 2:14 pm
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    It’s this type of prepubescent behavior that allowed me to have a huge win one night at a poker room in Tunica, MS….I brought my girlfriend and her friend with me to the poker room for the express purpose to distract all of the other guys playing. The plan was to have them sit right behind me with low cut tops to accentuate their assets and play me up as the “Big Player”. And, it worked to perfection! After several drinks, shoulder massages and some well placed kisses I walked away from the table with $3500.00 after buying in once for $300.00.

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