Stiff city

Dealers run good and bad sometimes too. Step into an action game, big pots, money flying everywhere. Big tippers in the game, stiffs and regulars. Running good means you ship the pots to the good tippers, running bad means you hit the stiffs with those huge pots. So instead of getting a handful of chips you get nothing and you watch some douchebag stack up all the change and whine about something.
Now running really bad means continuously hitting these stiffs with pots, missing the generous tippers and the regulars forget to tip you. Sometimes you go weeks running bad. Tonight was one of those nights. I actually would love to be a psychologist so that I could break down their behavior and have a better understanding of why they are such cheap bastards. Since I’m not I will be doing my own breakdown, the first stiff looks like he is mid 20’s, horrible hairline and he has started the greasy long hair combover to cover it. Big nose, very unattractive guy. Stacks all the loose one dollar chips after winning the pot and eventually throws them in during a hand “I’ll just get rid of these he says”. I notice he has these stubby little arms, Tyrannosaurus Rex syndrome. His big nose and head get in the way and he can’t reach things with those little arms. One player gets beat two ways on he river and says damn I was in third, our stiff pipes up ” that’s good, in a tournament” wtf? Ok he is socially awkward as well. He should keep practicing his jokes on his hamster. Maybe I should feel sorry for this guy? I must’ve reminded him of one of the guys that beat the hell out of him everyday and took his luck money and pissed in his Cheerios.
The next stiff is in a low limit game, new player, sort of. He keeps raising the wrong way, someone bets he says I bet two? Ugh I tell him the right way 3 times and still does it. I push him the first 4 pots when I sit down and he stiffs me all 4. Yep my night continues. I take a closer look at this guy, lift ticket on his jacket, from a month ago. Who are you trying to impress? Or just to lazy to rip it off. He gets a call on his blackberry. Can’t afford a real upgrade. I push pots to players all around him and stress “thank you” and I even pull out the “thanks for the tip” as I stare right at him. I end up pushing him 8 pots this half hour, never tipped once. Ignorance is bliss.
“3 douchebags in dress pants and V-neck sweaters sitting at a poker table”, not a joke, just my nightmare. The good news is two of them are getting their asses handed to them in this 1/2 NL game, the bad news is the deck is hitting the third guy so hard his ego is through the roof. You know the guy, thinks he is so cool because everyone around him at the office kisses his ass cause his dad is the boss, thinks he had perfect hair, just a happening guy, makes 28-29k a year? Lol. Plays so bad, but catches everything. Makes the minimum because he has no clue how to bet. His buddy busts out and says “mike is good, I don’t know what happened tonight, he used to play online.”. Pot after pot, stiff after stiff. I vomit in my mouth a little. My saving grace is that I can make this guy look like an idiot by correcting every little thing he does in a sarcastic way. Make fun of everything he says. I feel better, my tip box doesn’t but it helps save my sanity. Hopefully I run better tomorrow night.

6 thoughts on “Stiff city

  • March 15, 2014 at 3:47 am
    Permalink

    This is the whiniest blog on the internet. Every post is of this holier-than-thou jackass judging people who have the misfortune of being seated at the table during his down. Your constant updates about how poorly you’re being tipped are probably more indicative of your shitty attitude and personality, rather than the tipping standards of poker players at large. Schmuck.

    Reply
    • March 15, 2014 at 11:15 am
      Permalink

      Obviously you must be one of the douchebags I talk about. If “ed” were to be a dealer for one day he wouldn’t make it. Just like if I were to spend a day working at McDonald’s like Ed does I wouldn’t make it either. A dealer can have a great attitude and it’s guys like “Ed” that try and bring us down to their level. Like I said, just say some of that shit outside the casino “Ed” and I will rip you a new asshole next to the one on your face.

      Reply
      • March 17, 2014 at 4:33 am
        Permalink

        Case in point, baby. Maybe you’ll come around once you realize that not being a dick substantially increases your take-home in the service industry. Schmuck.

        Reply
        • March 17, 2014 at 11:37 am
          Permalink

          My attitude never shows on the table, been in the industry for a long time. I know how to make tips. I do extremely well. Thanks for the career advice though.

          Reply
    • July 31, 2014 at 2:14 am
      Permalink

      If you knew who I was you wouldn’t. You think you know but you don’t. Read some more and you might understand but I doubt it. Let’s have a battle of wits but I fear you are severely overmatched. I don’t want to hurt your feelings.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: