You don’t belong here

I would love to have great stories for you every night but alas my clientele doesn’t always give me great material. Tonight though I had a lovely person to profile, pick apart and give me a tale to tell. ¬†It doesn’t happen very often but on special occasions someone walks into the wolfs den and gets eaten alive. What I’m referencing is people that somehow come across some money and feel the need to give it to the rich guys at the higher limit players. I’m not talking about your run of the mill low limit grinder that actually has some skill, I’m talking about your slack jawed yokel that really, really doesn’t know much about poker and basically is “drawing dead” at the higher limit.

I get to the 20/40 game and this guy has 30 bucks left and he tosses it blindly into a pot in a last ditch effort to save his night. Fail. He says to the guy scooping the huge pot, “its a sin not to share the love”. I really think that if he begged this guy might throw him a bone. Of course he didn’t but it might work at his bar game, or home game. It’s hard to profile someone in 30 minutes but when they don’t shut their mouth and talk in a way that I can tell they don’t belong it becomes easier and easier.

So our slack jawed yokel says “hold my spot” and heads to the ATM. He comes back with $200(min buy for the game) and gets back in. This guy doesn’t know how or what to bet. It’s a limit game buddy, gonna be $20 or $40 depending on the round. With beginners, even on the higher limit games, I still have patience and try to help them out and explain how the betting works. Then the patience wears thin. He mucks out of turn, has to be reminded over and over its his turn and how much to call, bet, raise or fold. Stares at me with that jaw hanging open and the blind look in his eyes.

The patience really wears thin when he wins a pot, then a huge pot, then another huge pot and doesn’t tip. What happened to “its a sin not to share the love”? I try a subtle reminder of getting a tip after another player wins, rapping the tray and saying “thanks for the tip” as I stare at this idiot with that stupid look on his face.

This guy must really hustle his buddies, because he tries the same tricks on the regulars. Flop comes down and he checks and looks at the other guy in the hand and says “hey lets check it down”, I had to let out a verbal chuckle. Yep, he almost fell for it. Of course he someone wins the hand, argggg. He chops the blinds with one guy, then the next hand he doesn’t chop with the other guy. After the flop he says “oh i didn’t know it was just us”, he lost anyways as he was just trying to selectively chop a big hand.

Waitress comes and brings him a drink, no tip for her either. Wow you really are a piece of work. He keeps trying to talk to these guys like he knows what he is talking about. Of course I run bad tonight and give this guy $1500 out of that $200. Miracle after miracle and he really doesn’t have a clue how slim he is drawing every hand. If I was having a bad night I probably would’ve repeated the line that he gave earlier to him “its a sin not to share the love”, but I restrained because I know that this guy plays so bad that the regulars will not let him leave with money.

I can tell this guy has never had much money because of how cheap he is and how he tries to “hustle” everyone. Usually I don’t even sweat the lower limit , can’t tip because I’m poor, guys. This is 20/40 though. I get it, you have been cheap your whole life, why would it change now? I guess I just hope to see a little more common courtesy from players at this limit, especially when I basically have to babysit and teach you. It’s only one guy but that saying “Its a sin not to share the love” just keeps going through my head as I sit there and chuckle to myself, wondering that if this idiot uses lines like that, how stupid are the people that fall for it?

I check back about an hour later and this guy is sitting with about $75 in front of him, still with that blank stare and jaw hanging halfway open. Hope you enjoyed your moment in the sun because these guys will definitely enjoy the few hundred dollars you left at the table. If you never have money you won’t miss the money you had for a minute. It’s amazing the money some people lose, they would’ve been better off sticking it in a slot machine or throwing it on a hand of blackjack. They don’t even know that much about poker that trying to win at a bigger game should even cross their mind. Its like in vegas vacation with chevy chase when the dealer says why don’t I just take you out back and kick you in the nuts and only take half of what you want to spend. Oh just give me that chance to take this idiot out back, I would probably just kick the piss out of him and let him keep his money.

The following week I get the more typical guy that “shouldn’t be here” playing the bigger game as well. This guy wears the button down shirt, and slacks, probably a salesman. This is a different situation as this guy really¬†doesn’t know what he is doing. For a half hour he asked what is the ‘bet’ as well ask not being able to stack the right amount of chips in his bets over and over. I probably said “its $20 pre flop and on the flop and $40 on the turn and river” 20 times to this idiot. Of course I run great as this guy hits his heater and turns his rebuy of $300 into $2000 in about 20 minutes.

The weird part is I know he is new and that quite a few new players don’t know the etiquette on tipping. So when I do actually give someone else a pot I get louder and louder with my “thank you for the tip” every time even tapping my tip right in front of him before I drop it. He ended up winning 8 pots and stiffed every time. He went out of turn 7 times, the final couple times I really laid into him “YOU HAVE TO ACT IN TURN”. It’s a big game and he is giving way to much info to great players. I hate these idiot salesmen. They have talked their way through lives, work for their dads company, don’t make enough to think they should tip and in general really think they can run my game, or do what they want because most people don’t correct them. I will. Occasionally when these douches don’t tip the entire down they may throw me a few bucks when I get up like they do in blackjack. So I make sure when the push comes that I get up, say “Thanks for the tips guys!” loud and clear and this prick says “you’re welcome”. Oh how patience is tested on certain days. Move on to the next table and have some fun, over it.


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5 thoughts on “You don’t belong here

  • August 1, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    200 min buyin??????????? i would think as least 400

    • August 1, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      Standard min buys are 10x the small bet(big blind) for a limit game

      • August 1, 2014 at 4:52 pm

        but barely gets u betting to the river in 1 hand,right? bet 20, bet flop 20, bet turn 40 ,bet river 40. so 120. then u got 80 left if lose or not any raise on the flop/turns/etc,etc.for example the min buyin was 100 in the 5/10 game .i use to play in many moons least u had 30 in the pot if bet/call all the action. just seems to small 4 a 20/40 game is all. am i wrong???

        • August 1, 2014 at 6:03 pm

          I agree they are too small, but the house will take any money getting into the game. Some places even allow one short buy, with less than that even. It’s annoying to dealers, staff and players but it’s about getting money into the game.

          • August 1, 2014 at 6:10 pm

            oh i understand , it just sucks if u got a person waiting to get into the game that actually has a good amount of cash.i think the house should just suggest that player play in a smaller game is all

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